Saturday, November 12, 2005

It's still here.

Wow

Double wow too.

I haven't posted anything since July. What's even sadder is that not much has happened from then to now. Ok. I take that back. I've lost 50 pounds, dropped a pants size and a shirt size. I have also lost some of my strength, which I don't like. Being fat somehow gives you strength LOL.

I also went to visit an old girlfriend last week. That didn't turn out the way I wanted it to though. Someone from work gave me a number for someone and I had only been back for about 2 days. I have no interest in meeting anyone right now. Actually, I have no interest in meeting anyone for at least a year. I have my reasons.

I have the house to myself this weekend. My mother, sister and grand father are visiting family. Now while this sounds like a really nice thing, it's only nice to a certain point.

That point being pets.

I love the dog and cats and turtles and fish. Ok, I don't like the idea of taking care of the turtle. The fish are easy. You have to move the turtle from it's dry tank to it's wet tank. Pain in the butt to me. I wish my sister would let it go. I could stand to lose some weight anyway. LOL Anyway, what I don't like is that when everyone else is away, the dog wants to sleep with me. Also, they somehow find a way to wake me up. I would like to just once sleep in.

Well, that's it for now. I'm sure that I'll be back in a couple of months. In the mean time, don't wait up for me. I may not show.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Aw shucks

What you’re about to read are the hidden events that led up to the scrubbing of the shuttle mission. In a room with flashing little lights and 4 large screens, each one providing a visual or data on the shuttle, the mission director and his cronies prepare for the first shuttle launch in over 2 1/2 years.

The crowd grows quiet. The lights begin to be lowered. Off in the distance, a dead cricket isn't chirping.
The Mission director clears his throat.

MD: Flight control, this is the mission director, I need a go, no go for launch. Booster?
Booster: go
MD: Retro?
Retro: go
MD: ECOM?
ECOM: no go
MD: Surgeon…wait,
ECOM, was that a no go?
ECOM: That was a no go MD
MD: Shuttle crew, please stand by, we seem to have a problem with ECOM. ECOM, do you have an ID on the problem?
Guidance: Oh wow man, these blinking lights are really getting to me.
ECOM: We’re working on it. It’s starting to look like a faulty fuel sensor. Right now it’s telling us that the tank is empty
MD: ECOM, do you think it’s something that we can launch without?
ECOM: Let me back to you on that MD.
MD: Flight control, we’re experiencing an issue with a faulty ECOM sensor. Do you have…Guidance: Oh man, the chickens are really freaking me out.
Retro: Flight control, we have a problem.
Surgeon: I’ve always wanted to say that.
ECOM: MD, the sensor is now showing that we have a full tank.
MD: Ok ECOM. Does the sensor seem stable…
ECOM: The sensor is now saying that the tank is full of Jell-O.
MD: What? ECOM, please repeat that.
Shuttle crew: What did he just say?
ECOM: The sensor is saying the tank if full of Jell-O. Booster: What flavor of Jell-O?
Surgeon: Man I could go for some Jell-O.
ECOM: It looks like strawberry.
Retro: Yeah, me too. Does it have chopped up fruit in it?
Surgeon: Why would you go and ruin perfectly good Jell-O with chopped fruit in it. That’s nasty.
Guidance: Munchies!!!!!
MD: Booster. No smart-ass remarks. Health and Retro, cut the chatter. ECOM, can you tell if this is a quick fix?
ECOM: No, not at this time. Oh, now it’s saying that it’s now filled with swans.
MD: *dead cricket noise*
ECOM: It’s counting about 10,000,000 white swans.
Guidance: Fly away little swans.
Booster: Why do they have to white swans? It’s racial.
MD: Booster, the ECOM sensor is not racial.
Booster: Yes it is. It said white swans. Why couldn’t it be black swans.
Retro: Is there such a thing as a black swan?
Surgeon: Don’t start that crap again Booster.
Booster: Shut your cake hole. First it was the white man, now it’s the fuel sensor trying to bring the brother down. I bet a white man designed the thing too. It's racial.
MD: BOOSTER! It’s not racial.
ECOM: The sensor is now showing the tank filled with a part of Uranus.
MD: Uranus??
Surgeon: I am not!
Guidance: Look everyone, I’m Clinton, I didn’t inhale. Ok, shit. I did.
Booster: Who are you calling an anus??? I know you aren’t calling me an anus. I know you aren’t. No black man has ever been called an anus.
Guidance: Does anyone have a match?
MD: Guidance, why do you need a match?
Surgeon: What happened to the Jell-O?
Booster: The WHITE swans probably ate all of it. Fricken white swans. Don’t even share the Jell-O with the brothers. The white man doesn’t share his power…the swans don’t share the Jell-O.
MD: Enough Booster!
ECOM: Wow, it just went from saying that there was hydrogen to helium.
Surgeon: We are members of the lollypop guild, the lollypop guild.
Retro: HAHAHAHAHA, Pete, you’re a riot!
Shuttle crew: Great, the lollypop guild is here. Maybe they can give us a push. We’re probably light enough.
ECOM: The sensor is now saying that we have a small circus in the tank now.
MD: A what?
ECOM: A circus. Looks like 2 elephants, 9 clowns, 3 swans…
Booster: I bet the elephants are white too…
Retro: The circus is having a white elephant sale?
Shuttle Crew: How do they get those things home anyway?
ECOM: …3 dogs, a couple of trapeze artists. Lions, tigers and bears…
Surgeon: Oh my
Booster: I bet the conductor is white too. I bet the only black person they have is cleaning up all of the animal shit. They probably didn’t even give him a proper shovel. He’s probably carrying one of those plastic toy spades you see white kids using on the beach.
MD: *giving the evil eye to Booster*
ECOM: …a lion tamer, a small orchestra…
Surgeon: Do they have a freak show? I love the guy who can shove himself into a match box. Shuttle Crew: That’s impossible.
Guidance: Dudes, I have seen it with my own eyes.
Retro: Guidance, I doubt you have ever seen anything without a black light and a bong.
MD: Enough ECOM. Flight control, I think I’m going to go ahead and recommend that we scrub this launch. It’s obvious that we have a problem.
Retro: What would bring you to that conclusion?
Flight control: MD, we agree with you. We recommend scrubbing and rescheduling the launch. MD: Roger that FC. Shuttle crew, we’re going to scrub this launch. We need to check out the fuel sensor.
Shuttle crew: Aw man. This blows. You suck.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

The movie theaters have gone to far.

As I said in a earlier post, the 3 doors went to see Fantastic Four, which was alright. But the theaters have stepped over the line. Anyone who is my age and older has been seeing this increase for the past 10 years. I'm sure longer than that.

Advertisements.

First it was just slides. Hey, that's cool. They were before the lights were ever lowered. They still have them. Then, they started advertising more crap. Pop (soda for those who don't know what pop is). Now it's golf (IZOD comes to mind) and when you didn't think it could get any worse.

They have started advertising tooth brushes.

My cat, Isis, is sitting here....well she was, she has run upstairs to probably attack little turd. But when she was sitting here, she had a dumbstruck look. She was looking at me as if she was saying, they started advertising tooth brushes??? What has this world come to....oh something moved!!!!!!!!!!!! ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They even made it look like it was some new movie that was coming out. It's going to get to the point where there are going to be the same type of commercials as there are on TV. I wouldn't be surprised if they interupted the movie to advertise something

Yo, you can't treat us like that. Take this!!! RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAT (for those GI Joe comic book fans out there)ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAT

The scene fades and lip stick appears on the screen.

Try new Lor-in-my-L lip stick. The lip stick for those who work harder than others and still want to look there best

You see some babe, in a low cut top with boobs the size of volley balls, wearing daisy dukes and a hard hat trying using a jack hammer. You know, the type of clothing that all women are wearing when they are working at a construction site. She's looking at the camera and she's shaking like my truck did be for I had my brakes fixed and has pouting lips and licks them and it looks like she's trying to make love to the camera.

The scene fades back in and...ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAT
he's still going like the fricking energizer rabbits.

Ok, it looks like I've strayed off the subject a little bit here. So I'm wondering, will the theaters ever draw the line with the advertisements?

What's, next? Exlax?

sitting at doors

Hi everyone. I'm sitting here at door's apartment. Door is sleeping on the floor while door is playing a video game. yay video games! The door's are tired after a 4+ mile hike we had earlier. We also saw The Fantastic Four. It was alright. Not edited very well though.

Door's screen is dusty.

Not much else going on. Had lunch/dinner at the lizard and went to Big Bird to get some sweets. Now we're sitting here. sitting. Yay sitting.

later!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

In the beginning....

.....there was supposed to be light, but someone forgot to pay their electric bill.


So after that was all cleared up with who ever was incharge of power at the time, I'm sitting here, writing my first blog.

I'm typing in a nice little screen that gives me different options for fonts. Oh wow look at this. There are little symbols showing up on my screen. I need to turn these off. Boy, wasn't that fun. Oh cool!!!! I can even change the text color. Although I have no idea how this is going to look with a black back ground.

On a more serious note. Lets hope that not that many people have been hurt in London due to all of the explosions. I wonder if the terrorist waited to see who was going to be hosting the 2012 Olympics. Or was it just a coincidence?

Just like I'm going to think something was up if the Washington nationals end up going to the world series and winning it with this being their first season ever. It's just like the patriots. Was it really just by coincidence that they won the same season 9/11 happened?

It's a conspiracy I tell you....a conspiracy!!!!!!

My friend door told me that I should create a blog. Hi door!!!! I've created a blog. If anyone reads this and becomes upset, sad, happy, confused, unsure, dazed, constipated and other wise suddenly can't find any reason for their life; blame door.

so...yeah

Since I'm ranting. And although I'm sure there are people out there who might read all of this and think, this guy isn't happy about anything. I am. I just like to find problems and fix them. Most of the stuff I talk about in here is stuff I can't fix, so I just bitch about them.

So anyway, I'm in the gym this morning and beautiful Gina has opened up and I'm working out and there's an info-mercial on for some sort of hair straightening anti curling iron contraption that won't fry your hair because it makes your hair suck in moisture which keeps your hair healthy and you happy. They've found about 5 different girls who will allow the creater of this magnificent new hair product to destroy.....errr I mean, flatten their hair.

So I stop watching and start working out. Then at 5:30, GGW, or Girls Gone Wild comes on. Yes. They have an info-mercial for that as well. Although I don't know why. It's just a bunch of 18 to 21 year old babes dancing together, being naughty and flashing their stars at everyone. Damn censoring FCC!!! Now it appears that they have added sports, or an obstacle course to GGW. I was going somewhere with this, but I've lost track of where it was going.

Hey, it's my first blog and I'm just feeling it out. So anyway, I'll probably rant some more about something later on and I may post it hahaha. I'm sure that everyone is waiting with anticipation.